People often email me with suspicions, stories, or lines that their spouse or significant other has been feeding them. They want to know if these things are "possible signs of infidelity" or if they are just imagining things or letting their own insecurities crowd their judgment. Although most times what they tell me does make me suspicious, I often tell them that anytime their intuition pipes up or something just seems wrong, they should always take notice. Almost always, our intuition kicks in only after we've unconsciously witnessed something that is deeply bothering us. None the less, below I'll list what are in my opinion the top five warning signs of infidelity.
Infidelity Sign Number One: Your Own Sense Of Dread: As I said, often people will think that their alarm bells will go off out of the clear blue, that the feelings really come from nowhere. This often is just not true. Instead, what often happens is that you notice things but don't process them until later. These things sort of pile up in your unconscious until they've created a whole to several seemingly unrelated pieces – so much so that you can't deny them anymore – thus, that "little feeling." Understand that this feeling isn't coming out of the left field. It's actually likely the result of weeks of troubling observations that are just coming out now.
Affair Tip Off Number Two: Their Physical, Mental, And Emotional Presence Is Lessening: Your partner can not be in two places at one time. It's just impossible. So, you'll begin to notice that they are not around as much, that they're much more busy and are having trouble juggling all of their "obligations" and making time for the relationship.
They'll be late for their time with you, they will no longer ask you to tag along for errands all of the time. They'll stop going out of their way to include you. Or, when you are together, you'll notice that their mind wanders, that they aren't giving you their undivided attention. Emotionally, they are distant or critical. In short, the "closeness" both physically and emotionally is starting to wane.
Cheating Tale Tell Sign Number Three: Intimacy Or Sexual Changes: Another tip off that you will see is changes in the bedroom. People often assume that there will less sex or that the sex you do have is only lackluster because their heart just isn't into it. This is common and is sometimes the case. But, you also sometimes see an increase in frequency or a desire for experimentation. In essence, they are using you as a real life experiment. They're trying to hone their skills for their new cheat buddy. No matter which type of changes that you are seeing, don't ignore them and compare them with things that may be going on.
Warning Sign Number Four: The Person Who Used To Be So Open Is Now So Secretive: It used to be commonplace for your significant other to let you use their computer or for the two of you to share emails. He used to leave his cell phone on the kitchen counter, but now he always has it on his person. The glove compartment in his car was never locked before, but now it always is. He used to welcome you at work and school, but now he isn't so happy to see you or your presence startles him (or her.)
Any new signs of secrecy should be looked at closely. Often when he's uncomfortable when you are around the computer, cell phone, or GPS, it's because he knows that proof of the infidelity is contained in these devises.
The Stories Are More Frequent Or Just Don't Make Sense: All of us have car problems, responsibilities, or deterrents that can't be avoided and keep us from things we would otherwise want to do. But, if these things are common at a rapid fire pace, all at once, something is probably amiss. The guy who was very casual about work is suddenly putting in tons of overtime. The guy with the new car is suddenly having break downs. The person who was never close with his family is now supposedly spending all kinds of time over there.
Or, he'll start talking about stories at work and school for which he had no interest before. He's using you as a sounding board for his new life and he's thinking without censoring himself. This can be very telling. Also, sometimes, he'll begin to tell you little details that seem to come out of left field – what he's doing is setting up his being away or his next excuse for the future.
But, what often happens is that it's exhausting and impossible to keep up with all of these little untrue stories. He'll begin to get them mixed up and confused and this is when the little inconsistencies come out, although they may not mean anything to you at the time.
I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. After thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read a very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/