It took them long enough yet at last your mate admitted that they were having a marital affair. The news hit you pretty hard. You had no idea something was going on and in all honesty that's exactly how it should be. You did not marry this individual so you could spend the majority of your time checking up on them. They like you stood in front of witnesses and swore to be faithful.
Now the real truth emerges that they haven't been honoring their part of the marriage contract. Your mate is adamant with their apology and asking you to please forgive them. In addition to that they pledge to do everything in their power to repair the trust that has been destroyed due to their philandering.
At this point you have a few decisions to make including do you want to continue the relationship. However to make it through this affair there are some things you would be wise to stay away from.
1. Surrendering Your Self Esteem
The thing your mate has done was dreadful and hurt you greatly. Nonetheless don't let it ruin your dignity by going to pieces.
They deserve a lot of things however shattering you beyond repair is not on the list. Pray for that strength that you know exists inside of you. This does not imply you can't have a good cry but do not give your spouse the satisfaction of doing away with your self-esteem.
2. Refusing To Let It Go
It is one thing to ask yourself why your spouse cheated. It is another thing entirely to hold on to it. Your mate has been unfaithful and no matter how hard you try to avoid this there comes a moment when you must come to grips with this simple fact. Too often the victim of betrayal attempts to tell themselves it is just an awful dream and things will return to normal. It will not and the only way to begin the recovery process is to accept this basic reality.
3. Not Deciding Your Next Move
You may need time to digest this kind of unexpected news however you should also start looking at some of your options. You can't roam around in a state of confusion for the rest of your life. Eventually you will have to determine not just about the marriage but also how you are going to move forward with your life.
4. Letting Other People To Decide Your Decisions
You can obtain counsel from your own social circle along with a shoulder to cry on. The mistake is allowing these people to make up your mind for you. That's a cop out. Yes they may have your best interest in mind but in all honesty only you can make the hard choices regarding your life. Allowing other people to decide can put you in a position you truly do not wish to be in which will only over time make you feel a whole lot worse than you are already feeling.
5. Consuming Yourself In Pity
Many of us at one time or another feel sorry for what has been done to us but remaining in self-pity with no end in sight is not going to help matters. There comes a moment when you need to stand up to what happened and quit feeling sorry for yourself. Self-pity does not alter the basic fact your mate cheated. Remaining in it only postpones the healing process.
6. Facing The Other Person
It might provide you a bit of short-term satisfaction but essentially it's futile. Are they at fault? Absolutely yes however the lion's share of the blame belongs to your spouse. If it had not been this person you can believe it would have been someone else so don't spend your time and energy dealing with someone who is not really worthwhile.
7. Getting Violent
There was a story in the news about a lady who drove a considerable distance in order to kill her husband's mistress. That is beyond foolish. Now the wife is probably going to the penitentiary for the remainder of her days and the philandering hubby will just go out and hook up with someone else.
Neither your spouse or the person they cheated with is worth getting locked up over. Yell, holler and if you must break a few plates against the wall or on the floor but do not under any circumstances get physical. Do not let your spouse's selfish behavior allow you to do anything that can destroy your whole life forever.